From D/O to W/O.

And she suddenly woke up in the middle of the night. The sudden anxiousness and terror was in the air surrounding her. Not very late that she started agitating about this, and realized the big thing happening to her.

It wasn't like any fancy doll wedding she was organizing during her childhood. As she started pondering, she glanced on her life up to date, the free, independent, ambitious, pampered daughter of her mom and dad. She finally understood that it's all going to be different.

She was conscious that she will not be free to do whatever she wants. The fear that none of her plans will ever be made without wondering about what her husband or in-laws will say, just instilled the anti-marriage thoughts in her mind. The mere thought of changing home (sometimes even city or country), family, entire lifestyle, etc., gave her a terrible headache. The constant reminders from others saying things like "your mother-in-law will not bear your tantrums like your mom does", was simply enough to freak her out. The expectations filled up post the wedding, like have kids, take care of them, save for their education, take care of your new family, behave according to them etc. 

Similar to most of the girls who think that getting married means an end to their ambitions and career plans. She started to wonder about the halts or breaks in her career for which she had worked so hard all her life. This stands true at least in the situations where the woman has to leave her city or country, as she might not get the job in a new place immediately.

The responsibilities of a woman change and increase manifolds after marriage. She thought about a long list of new relatives that comes along, whom she has to deal with. And, even if she dislikes them, she has to pretend just the opposite of what she feels. It is not just these new relations that scares her, but the adjustments that she would have to make with an entire set of new people after marriage.

She was worried that she would be sold (the dowry) to slavery and sex and that her identity would totally change. It is about the change of identity that she had lived with for her entire life, which bothers her more than anything else. 

It was all different, and suddenly, she found herself shedding tears. She understood that she wasn't in a stage in her life to make any such commitment. But the norms of the society instilled into her parents forced her look into this strenuous part of her life. Her mantra of 'my life, my choice, my goals' was about to come an end. This is not going to be a small change-over like before. She was all helpless. And she killed herself all night thinking as to why she was born as a girl.

#This might not be applicable to everyone. But, at-least in Indian scenario, the marriages always demand more than necessary. It is not a person to person thing, but a family to family and more families. Especially the arranged marriages situation has become like "Their way or Highway" kind. Well, they do have their own strengths and flaws.